Book of the Week: What Women Want
15 Oct 2016
This week I read What Women Want. Previously I’ve read The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists, which talks about pickup artist (PUA) culture and the different techniques they use to seduce women. I don’t feel good about people using those techniques and people falling for them. For practical purposes of improving your odds at mating, What Women Want is written with that in mind. All you have to do is become a better person who is social and happy and women will mate with you. The previous title of the book was Mate. It gives advice based on science, but it doesn’t have to give any data or stories to back it. It just states things as fact, which is why they are able to fit so much good advice into the book. As I was reading, I thinking saying, “Oh, so that’s why, “. Lot of content, worth a read if you’re single. Choices
Boy meets girl (approach choice), girl might agree to sex (sex choice), boy might eventually commit or propose marriage (relationship choice)
Women are choosier about who they have sex with, but men are choosier about who they commit to. This explains complaints from women about men who they have had sex with. It turns out that it is much harder for an attractive women to get what she wants, than it is for an attractive man. Blame oxytocin for making women fall for guys they have sex with. The 5 Principles of Mating Success
- Make decisions with science (not bias)
- Account for the woman’s perspective
- Own your attractiveness
- Be honest (with yourself and others)
- Play to win-win
5 Steps
- Get your head straight
- Develop attractive traits
- Display attractive proofs
- Go where the women are
- Take action
Women’s Perspective Women don’t explicitly reject men, because it is evolutionary risky. The guy might hurt her. Slut shamming exists due to female-female competition, because a promiscuous women is the biggest obstacle for her bagging a boyfriend. Competitive pressures forces women to have sex earlier and earlier. I don’t think the rise of dating apps help women in this regard. It downright sucks to be a women. So many things you need to account for and be careful of. Understanding starts will looking through the other’s perspective. Attractive Traits
Females throughout nature favor effective males. to deliver effective benefits to women, you need two basic things: (1) the ability to be effective at life, based on having effect traits, and (2) the willingness to use those effective traits to do effective things and supply to females the benefits that they need for their own reproductive success.
The most effective way to become more attractive is to stop sucking before excelling. Ineffectiveness is very repulsive and women are geared to be turned off very easily. Men tend to overspecialize on one trait they are good at, nobody wants to date a chess champion.
Attraction is an emotional, unconscious reaction to the suite of traits men present to women; it is NOT a conscious decision that they deliberate about.
You are either attractive or you’re not. You aren’t going to magically become attractive to a women. Confidence
Confidence is the realistic expectation you have of being successful at something, given (a) your competence at it and (b) the risk involved with doing it.
Confidence is usually domain-specific, it does not transfer over. Having a growth mindset helps in tackling areas where you currently have low competence in. There are no shortcuts to confidence. You need to build it through demonstrated performance. Confidence is attractive. Meditate Mediation can improve your mental health, making you more attractive.
- Find a quiet place.
- Sit there with your eyes closed.
- Focus on your breathing.
Signaling Theory
One of life’s greatest secrets: women don’t look for handsome men, they look for men with beautiful women. —Milan Kundera
It is not what’s on the inside that counts, because nobody can see your insides. You need to be conscious of what you’re signaling. The idea to to show, not tell. It is not about money, but what money is proof of. A great smile is not about having great teeth, it is about displaying happiness. Real proof cannot be faked, because it would be evolutionary disadvantageous. 8 Basic Rules of Good Conversation
- Be a good host
- SOFTEN your body language
- Establish commonality
- Gauge and respond to feedback
- Don’t act too excited or too aloof
- Ask questions and actively listen to her responses
- Respond with validation, insight or debate
- Connect with vulnerability
How to get better
- Practice with non-mating conversations
- Start with low-stakes mating contexts
- Just have fun out there
Ideal First Date You should have a default first date.
- A weekday evening - lets you keep weekends for people you know
- An escalation option and an easy out
- Cheap, but not boring
Memberships to the California Academy of Sciences, Exploratorium and Fine Art Museums of San Francisco are investments that pay for themselves. Mating Plan
- Clarify Your Mating Goal
- Highlight Your Attractive Traits and Work on Your Weak Ones
- Mating Market: Find the Place and Groups That Fit You
- Start Small, Get Wins, and Build on Them
- Focus on Social Life and Fun
- Try, Learn, Repeat